Last night I had the twinkie dream again.
I was sitting on blue striped chaise, on a stunning white beach,
staring into indigo waters. And differing folks drops by my towels.
They stop, look at me and drop off a twinkie. Soon I have mounds of
yellow cakes piling around my blue chair.
The ocean becomes a frothy white mess. Finally one more person stops by.
I can't see the person because I'm covered in cakes, but an
cloudy androgynous voice asks "Yeah so, like, got enough twinkies yet?"
The voice drowns out the sound of frosting surf and reverberates
in my brain..."Like, Got enough?"..."enough". I sit and watch the golden
mass grow and grow and I think "But I don't like sweets, and I definitely
don't like cupcakes".
The unknown voice speaks again..."hey man, did ya want more or what?".
"No" I whisper, speaking so soft I don't know if I'm heard.
" Well then, uh what do you want then?" , comes the reply.
"I only wanted you" I managed to squeak out. Just before
the towering confections sweep over me.
a set of fingers pokes though the twinkies and part to make
a door and I hear "you have me. I'm yours. I'm coming to you"
The wetness on my cheek wakes me up. The pain of never
knowing that voice strikes into me chest, breathless I sob and sob,
covering my poor pillow in tears.
Where are you twinkie dream? how can I find the one from my twinkie dream?
I sit outside life
And I look down.
And then I watch.
At first I notice
only the soil, its
from unseen sources
And then the eyes.
Those that gazed upon
Glorious sunset and
Endless vistas. They
were so expressive.
Now I watch as eternity
renders them withered.
The earth undulates wildly
As my perception
speeds. I see
The skin that
withstood So much
hardness now crumpled
and sad. Clinging to
Bones that once threw
Such a prideful shadow.
Sunken and sallow.
what once was Glory
fades to a horror.
Time wrests my
Spirit away just
In time to see
The last of my
old flesh assimilated
by the cold substrate
Drifting up, I leave
The restless damp
Poignant though the
Lethargic, I let
the mystic winds
carry me to
unreal stillness piques
my declining interest
a shimmering dome
lights up the previously
light upon the
to the activity.
Driven to any
Break in the
And not just
A rapidly fading
I alight next
to the dome.
I peek though
Shifting masses of
Ethereal human Leftovers obscure
The glint shyly bouncing
From the surrounding
Insubstantial Grey film.
A new sensation lights
My intellect. A sound not
Previously recognized bursts
Through what used to be ears.
Pouring through the beckoning
Dome like a geodesic river; an allure
Irresistible, yanks me forward.
Pushing through the throng,
All of us sentient remnants
Rise, fall, push, and retreat.
Coveting the break in the gloom.
Nearing the border of souls. I
Can now glimpse into the bubble.
It looks warm, reds and oranges
Heaving with weaving presences.
Pushing through the barrier
I can hear the sounds that
Earlier were too misty to
Isolate. Sounds of not quite human
Voices rummaging , colliding
Smearing into each other.
Becoming a sensory force, that
The endless drift hasn't prepared me For.
Isolating a single utterance
Becomes an obsession.
I flit about piecing snatches
Of half unvoiced conversations.
One voice booms out among the din
One explicable, poignantly strong.
Pronouncement speaks out and I hear it
I check for reactions from
The other specters. Signs
That the voice is not aimed
toward me specifically.
I can detect no sign, that
Any others made out the voice
I stare long through the glare
And I spot the voice's originator
Rising above the smothering
Swarm. A large, bold icon
Looms tall and proud,
A inspiringly curious creature.
It's tippy top spread with
A golden red mane of hair
Waving in an invisible wind
Scattered down toward its face.
A bestial visage juts out from a
Elongated skull. Bits of hair
Drape around pointed ears with
A skin colored as a pale bronze.
It speaks again, its mouth opens
And opalescent teeth protrude
From blackened gums, surrounding
A serpentine tongue behind delicate lips.
It strides forward, coming at me
It repeats its phrase but I can't
Make out the substance of the
Creature's low discourse.
While it draws near, I note that
So different from the faceless mass,
The beast has no scraps of clothing
Covering an obscenely muscled body
And he, I know now that the thing is male
tramp forcefully up to me, and speaks
again. He is saying my name. speaking
my name from when I was inside life.
Memories of breathing flood my
Consciousness. Taking away my
Attention from anything but him.
I look down and my translucence fades.
Solid, I'm meat again. The
Covering I watched dissolve in
The dirt has returned to clothe
My palely tempered soul.
Long forgotten sensations like
Gravity, Cold, Air, and Fear
Flood back, menacing a fragile mind,
overwhelming the unused thoughts
Overcome, the floor pulls at
My newly minted flesh.
Collapsed akin to a discarded
Newspaper, This horrid flesh lays
Untold moments pass and another
Forgotten thought returns; Vertigo.
My Sight fails. Movement is jarring
Me, but I forget how to work my eyelids
The heavy lids open and I'm laying
Stretched across arms, his arms.
Staring up at the dome, I work my
Neck, fibrously towards the beast.
I had forgotten about smells. I
Overlooked it so much those millennia
Ago when I had lived. He Smelled.
Smelled like old unused rooms.
So very solid now. Moving to the wall
Of the dome, it shimmers as he draws
Me closer. The ghosts tremble as we
Pass by. Clearing away and resistance.
He knows. I'm aware that he knows
I'm awake. I'm alive again. My curiosity
Returns , How am I breathing? Where
Am I, how long was I dead. Does he know?
I strain for my voice to return, so
That I can pounce with my questions.
I don't know if I just can't remember
Speech or it fear has stolen my words.
He meets my eyes finally. They are
Human. Completely. Lit from within
With what may be the sum of human
Essence. Fired with passion. He lowers
Me and my legs swing down.
My weight is uncomfortable on my newly
Minted legs. We stand in front of the
Curved wall. I wait. He lifes his hand and
With one curved black nail, draws a door.
The shape he creates slides away and
a black pool takes its place. A darkness
so intense that it spikes like a bolt
through my brain.
Two of his thick fingers, held out
Towards me invitingly. He waits.
Automatically I grasp the outstretched digits.
And we leap into the shadow.
still used to my restored flesh
the vertigo that grips me in
the darkness is so severe that
i'm bound in a fearsome paroxysm.
binding down my longing for
freedom from this spirit cage
newly returned to me, i try to
decipher my new surroundings.
i fly in a formless void of
palpable darkness. my companion
while unseen, grips my fingers
guiding me though the torment
the dark thins, gradually but steadily
growing brighter. shifting from black
to filmy grey to a alluring white.
a glow so sharp that i remain blind.
my senses are unadept and new, gathering
my bearings remains unattainable.
i fathom that our flight continues.
but i simply cannot know.
i'm not moving. my spine knows the
difference now. Voices sound again
in my ears, I feel the whiteness that
still remains in my vision is false.
swooning uncontrollably, falling on
false ground. my psyche rebounds
and I return to myself. standing tall
I look at my new surroundings.
first I notice the colorings. nothing
from inside life could give me reference
for these hues. my skin, is pale and
reflects the strange new tints.
I stand on a smooth knoll, colored a grey
that is pitted and dimpled. the shadows
the crevices make writhe as if dancing
to music with imperfect rhythm.
I look for my escort, the beast-man who
drew me from the ennui of the pale lands
into this new experience. either he has left me
or he has been transformed into the lithe girl to my left
She lights next to me upon
this new verdant plane.
the Grey hues seem to flow
directly from her dappled skin.
she is wearing a black flowing
cape knotted together at her
throat by a brass boar's head.
a long grey dress tangles at her feet
indentation on the violet grass,
show that moments before she
was my goat shod companion.
transmuted into the vision I see now.
my powers of speech have returned
this new manifestation is easier to talk to.
I can ask and I do. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œWhat has happened?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â?
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œAm I Alive again or am I still outside life?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â?
There is no movement from my grey girl
but her voice sounds out, clear and cold.
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œYou are here. You are now. The beauty
of a new world is yours now. I will watch.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â?
her pronouncement echoes in the windless air
and her form starts to fade. like a playing
card turning from its face. she flattens and turns
and then the last line of her, disappears.
Vaporous tears flow down my new eyes.
The weight of my new loneliness
pushes down on my shoulders and
I collapse to unblemished knees.
I wail and howl. primal screaming
punctuated wracking sobs. I start to
beat my fists against the multihued loam.
and the wind picks up my howling.
terrible air drives all around me
Fear, pushes away my pain.
loneliness forgotten in the face
of the awesome gale approaching.
a White force hurls towards me
an opaque wall of bluster arrives
Slamming through my new found
solidarity, picking me up and away
I can only think of my own breath
pulling air into my lungs from the
pressure swirling around me. pulled
and pushed around and around in horror
my eyes sting and my face is raw.
Sand and grit swirls in my every
orifice. Racked with pain. I struggle
to survive this awesome passage.
soon, my mind cannot cope with
this damage, and I lose consciousness
my lifeless body flops in the wind
unknown how long I journey.
turmoil and hurt greets me as I wake
opening my sore eyes, blinking in
the dazzling sunlight. and gazing
at my new found location.
My shoulders are too tender to move
I can scarcely crane my neck around
my curiosity is awakened. this new land
may be full of wonders to explore.
I lay on soft loam, willing my tenderness
to subside enough to move.
the smells of human population
drift over to where I lay
Movement to my left!
sounds of soft footfalls getting nearer
I crack my lids enough to make out
a shape approaching where I rest
small hands placed on my forehead.
small touches grazing my brow. a voice
whispering instructions to an unseen presence